Anyone will tell you that how you’ll feel about your child is incomprehensible until your first one is born.  It’s guttural and intense.  Everything shifts in the moment you become a parent and nothing, I mean nothing,  is more important than that little person.  And nothing will ever be the same.

Being a mom makes me a better person because I need to be for my kids.  They deserve the best version of me that I can give them.  That makes me be more reflective, self-aware and willing to change the things that aren’t working. Don’t get me wrong, I make lots of mistakes and there are plenty of times that I completely suck and go to bed feeling horrible about the day. But I get up the next morning full of resolve to try it again and get it more right the next time.

I’ve had some pretty tough life events come my way in the last few years.  I lost my grandfather the year my son was born.  I lost my father the year my first daughter was born and right after my second daughter came, my mother was diagnosed with an early and aggressive form of dementia.  I found strength I didn’t know I had in my deepest moments of grief because I knew my children needed me to still be their mom.  When I look at my kids, no matter what is happening, I see joy and hope.  I see futures filled with possibilities.  Those are the things that remind you how beautiful life is even when it feels like the sky is falling.

I want to be around to see my monkeys grow into themselves.  That motivates me to stay active and healthy.  I want to set an example of what hard work and determination look like so they’re never afraid to follow their dreams.  I want them to love themselves fully, completely and that makes me seek that within myself because the ‘Do as I say and not as I do’ method is not only hypocritical but has research to back up that it doesn’t work.

I am a better person because of my kids.  Of that I’m sure.  I just hope that as they grow they will find their best selves because through them, their mom found hers.

[Ok, I lied, it’s a little gooey gushy.  I’ll work on that next.]